owning my story.

It’s time. Past time, actually.

I look around this little house and I feel sad. Sad and overwhelmed. You see, I like things neat and tidy, but you wouldn’t think that at all from the state of things around here. Piles on piles. Clutter. Dust. Dog hair.

I spent so many years feeling sorry for myself, mourning my empty womb month after month. I gave up on most everything else. My heart’s deepest desire- to be that wife and mother with the clean, happy, love filled home. The house where others pop in for coffee or a fresh made meal.

Instead, I let my silent grief fill up these rooms with…stuff. Stuff that I don’t even really like. Now, here I am, FINALLY a wife AND a mother and drowning in the heartache of the past. I was just starting to get it cleared out when my pregnant belly got way too big and then the baby came and I had to heal from an unexpected c-section. Well, that baby girl is growing like a weed, already coming up on 7 months old! and the piles are still around, still collecting dust and dog hair…and I’m still sad even though my heart now bursts with love for that girl and her papa.

So, today I’m making a vow to myself. In one year, all these piles will be gone. The meals with be cooked, the coffee will be fresh. Lord willing.

I will wake up each day and give thanks to God for my beautiful, blessed, clutter free life. I will celebrate how strong I am and how far I’ve come.

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